Wendy Williams
Author
Healing the Trauma of Infant Surgery
Operated on as an infant, without anesthesia, Wendy P. Williams began life at war with her body. There were tubes everywhere, in and out of every opening, her mother reminded her on every anniversary of her surgery. Autobiography of a Sea Creature takes readers on Williams’ difficult sensory journey toward healing, as she communes along the way with horseshoe crabs, dolphins, and other marine life that taught her the restorative power of beauty, resilience, and interdependence. At times luscious and lyrical, at other times analytical and reflective, this literary memoir portrays the dissociative experience of trauma and the roots of self-destructive cycles, as well as the tragic results of medical beliefs at the time that infants could not feel pain. Autobiography of a Sea Creature is both a love letter to the earth and a hopeful testament of humans' capacity to heal our deepest wounds.
Printed book available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Now also available as an audio book from Amazon and Audible.com.
(click the "Buy from Amazon" or "Audible.com" buttons below for details.)
Free download also available from UCSF Health Humanities.
My 20-minute interview with Sacramento's Cap Radio by Insight host Vicki Gonzalez. Listen here.
I was featured in CUTDOWN, a documentary which reveals the practice of infant surgery without anesthesia prior to 1987. View it here.
My blog Healing Infant Trauma - A Hidden Cause of Depression and PTSD chronicles my struggles and triumphs with preverbal trauma and reviews relevant articles and books. Read it here.
Interview with Stephen Beitler, adjunct UCSF faculty. Listen here.
The Trauma of Infant Surgery - Pushing Limits - January 19, 2024 | KPFA
An interview with Adrienne Lauby on the KPFA radio show Pushing Limits "providing critical coverage of disability issues." Listen here.
Autobiography of a Sea Creature
In this absorbing book, we are privileged to join Wendy in her journey of 50 years to recover from surgery as an infant when anesthesia was not routinely administered. Ironically, this life-saving operation resulted in the question she could not address with certainty until she was 52 – was she dead or alive? You will be riveted by the chronicling of her experiences and the way she weaves together her inside and outside life as she uses creative processes—breath work, drawings, journaling, and the exploration of her powerful dreams—to search for the answer. Like her role model the biologist Rachel Carson, Wendy crafts exquisite observations of the natural world and her beloved sea creatures, sprinkled like tiny jewels throughout her writing. Reading this book will send you on a most memorable odyssey into a child’s world that few people have been able to make.
Dr. Linda Gantt, PhD, ATR-BC, is the owner and Executive Director of Intensive Trauma Recovery and ITR Training Institute LLC. In late 2020, she co-founded Help For Trauma Inc., a non-profit established to fund trauma research and offer trauma-effective training to mental health workers.
Praise & Reviews
In Autobiography of a Sea Creature, Wendy gives a voice to infants unable to articulate, who, due to necessary medical procedures, experience trauma. We journey with Wendy as she discovers the profound physical and emotional effects of this initial surgery and its consequences throughout her life. She shows us that the tentacles of the trauma extend and blend beyond her to her family and relationships. With the sea and its creatures interwoven in her life, the reader can also ride the fluid waves into healing and well being. With the growing awareness of trauma and PTSD in the world, this autobiography is one of support for both our precious little ones and all adults who were infants at one time.
Jean Anne Zollars, PT, DPT, MA, BI-D, Instructor in Visceral and Neural Manipulation for the Barral Institute, specializing in Pediatrics. Upcoming book: Visceral Manipulation for Pediatrics. www.jazollarspt.com
Autobiography of a Sea Creature is not just a story of one woman's emotional and psychological rebirth from the trauma of infant surgery. It is the poetic, haunting, life-affirming journey of healing an ecosystem, whether that is our human body or our planet. Wendy Williams has written an evocative memoir of awakening that will inspire anyone who cares about resilience, self-exploration, and our capacity for compassion.
Mary Fifield
Fire & Water: Stories from the Anthropocene
Available now: https://www.fireandwaterstories.com/
My Latest Blog
When the Body is Dead to Itself
The other day, I found a razor blade on the ground outside my home. Not wanting to waste it by throwing it in the trash, I decided to try to fit it into an empty scraper, the type used to remove paint from glass. But why bother if the blade was no longer sharp? My body then went on automatic; my hand with the razor in it felt the impulse to slash my arm just a little to see if the blade was sharp.
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I stopped myself. I woke up to what I was just about to do. I was acting as if my body, my own skin, was paper or an inanimate object. Shocked, I saw how deeply wounded from my infant stomach surgery without anesthesia I still am. I am wood. I am metal. I am not alive, for as a baby, I was treated like an inanimate object, having been given a paralytic drug for my operation at 26 days old instead of anesthesia and pain control. I was conscious for the surgery. This protocol was standard practice in American hospitals for babies and children under two until 1987.
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As a baby under threat, my body turned off to itself. I dissociated. My body became a fortress on guard against outside perpetrators. Don’t touch me became my unconscious mantra. The delight of the sensual–simply enjoying touch, my own and that of others—was not to be mine for many years. I hardened, becoming a thing. A thing feels nothing. In this way, I survived. I lived.
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Self-harming? Sure. As a teen, I cut my arm with razor blades. It was a habit. At least I felt something when I cut more deeply. So recently, in my seventieth year, my body went on automatic when I felt the urge to swipe my skin with the razor to test its sharpness. This urge was oh so familiar to my nervous system and so my body went into action to cut.
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Thankfully, I stopped myself, knowing that my body is not wood or metal. I am alive and my skin sensitive. I no longer want to hurt myself and haven’t for decades. But it’s been a long journey to get to a place where I am relaxed and kind to my body, taking care of it beautifully. As can be seen from my experience recently with the razor, I am still coping from the trauma I experienced at one month old. My nervous system is still affected by the early trauma, but I have healed so much. I am proud of myself. I know my body is alive!
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See Upcoming Appearances
I will be reading passage and signing books at these venues. I hope to see you!
Reading and Discussion of memoir Autobiography of a Sea Creature:
Healing the Trauma of Infant Surgery
Bloomsbury Books, 290 East Main Street, Oregon, USA
Monday, May 6, 2024, 7:00 - 8:00 pm
About Wendy Williams
Wendy Patrice Williams is a writer intent on getting the message out about the fact that before 1987 in America and in many parts of the world, anesthesia and pain control were largely withheld from use on infants needing invasive medical procedures. As a result, their suffering is lifelong due to PTSD and other mental and physical disturbances.